operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
