you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
