My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just high enough for therapy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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