Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
