he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
