Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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