Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
