i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
