Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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