he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
