I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
