): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
