the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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