ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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