Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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