Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
