she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
