do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
