I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
