Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
