People in love make me want to vomit
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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