weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
not ubering you a puppy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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