woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
