1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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