How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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