My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
