Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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