I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
