Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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