dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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