just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
