No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
