im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
