i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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