If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
