I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you never un-have a 4some
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
