Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
