My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
