Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
