if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
