Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
