She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
