I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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