Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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