I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
