Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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