just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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