Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
