she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
