This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
