she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
